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spinning circles- junedreaming

Please advise!! Also &one fell off the wagon..

Posted by a_pack_of_lies on 2010.03.18 at 12:09
I really need some advice. For a few months now my co-mod has been pretty MIA due to RL problems, which isn't really a problem, except that she unofficially handled one of our members that I don't get a really get along with. Now that she's been less involved the player has been coming to me more, and I'm finding it hard to moderate objectively where they are concerned. I find the player rude and pushy, and on one occassion they tried to tell me my character would act one way when when I clearly  (and repeatedly) told them my character would not. Now this person's characters seem to be deliberately trying to circumvent SLs my characters have, and make it so that some of my lines dry up. Which leads me to my problem/question: as a mod, if I'm honest with my group, is it okay to ask a player to leave for personal reasons? They have friends in the group, and I understand this will mean taking away  main SLs for some characters, but this player is honestly killing my will to play in my own game, and I'm not sure what to do about it anymore.  If I can ask them to leave, is 2 weeks to tie up SLs appropriate, or should I give them less/more time? I don't think they'd do any flaming, of the group, but I don't know. I don't really feel right just removing them outright. Please help, any and all advice is appreciated.


tikatu at 2010-03-18 16:53 (UTC) (Link)
Have you gone to the player herself? I know that's scary, especially when you're not comfortable with the player, but going to her first, maybe with another player (or the other mod, if she can spare a few minutes) in an IM with you, is probably the way to go. Being honest is also the best policy. Keeping a record of conversations you have with her (either in email or IM) will help bolster your case with the other players.

If talking with her privately (or semi-privately) doesn't work, then ask her to leave. We've had to ask players to leave because of non-participation and once because the player was driving everyone (but especially the mods) nuts. Sometimes, going to them first worked for a while, but then they fell back into their old ways and we were justified in asking them to leave. In the latter case, the player blew up in our faces and threw a massive fit, but I think that the rest of the players were relieved she was gone.

Hope this helps! Good luck in whatever you choose to do.
An uninspired poet
a_pack_of_lies at 2010-03-18 21:56 (UTC) (Link)
I issued them a warning for god-modding when they tried to tell me how to play my character, but they weren't very apologetic for the incident. It was one of those "I'm sorry you feel that way" sort of apologies. Since then I feel like they're reaching out to more people in the community so that they're well liked to give themself a cushion, while trying to undermine my own characters. I know they have several friends in the comm, and I think a few would be upset if I removed the person. I guess it all boils down to: can a mod's feelings override the rest of the players at a game when it comes to personality clashes. On the one hand I think no, they can't, but on the other I think, if I quit the game because of them I don't want anyone else taking over what I've spent years of my life creating and running.
tikatu at 2010-03-18 22:15 (UTC) (Link)
I know exactly how you feel. I have a player right now who is pushing the envelope and who is getting some of the other (and better) players upset. We have a very small game, and she has made friends with one of the other players--who ended up sort of speaking for her at the last brainstorming session. I would dearly like to get rid of her, but she hasn't done anything to merit it (other than being a PITA), and I know that if she goes, the other player will, too.

This is why, if you do talk to her, you need someone to listen in... perhaps even more than one person, with one of them being sympathetic to her in a small way. Remember, this IS your game; you call the shots. It's a delicate balancing act, trying to keep a game together and be fair--even when you don't get along with someone.

Can you promote someone else within the game to mod status? Is there anyone else you trust? Someone who might be able to bridge the gap between you, or be able to handle her where you can't? If this is the case, then do it. If you have a sizeable game, you can't have too many mods. Just make sure the one who is having the RL difficulties knows that s/he's not being replaced, just supplemented.
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